It's 9:30 Thursday night and my girl goes in for surgery in St. Louis in the morning. The problem is, I'm laying here in a hospital in Kansas City with Mason. For those of you geographically challenged.....we're on opposite sides of the state! Do you have any clue as to how hard it is being HERE when I want to be THERE, but I'm needed HERE too!!!
It's not Mason's fault though.....poor little guy just wants to go home to his own bed (can't blame him on that one!) He started getting sick yesterday afternoon and just kept throwing up today. He still acted OK, puny, but making tears & a couple wet diapers. I decided we should take him in just for good measure, get him back on his feet before leaving for St. Louis....nothing a little IV fluids wouldn't kick in an hour or two. Yeah right! His count should have been between 24-36.........12. 12 was Mason's count. Waaaayyyy too low to even think about releasing to go back home & recouperate. Go figure! So HERE I am!
Undoubtedly one of the hardest decisions to make is which child to be with. One is very poorly sick and the other having surgery. I think if Haley was younger, it might have been a little easier. But now, she's at the age where she knows & understands what is going on and she is going to know I'm not THERE! I pray she doesn't ever think I chose Mason over her.....I chose the situation. I'm a mess, cry at the drop of a hat, and completely exhausted. I didn't figure I was in any shape to be driving her & I across state, go thru surgery, and come back. Then there's Mason who also understands who is and isn't with him and he wanted mommy!
I know daddy is perfectly capable of taking Haley and getting thru surgery on his own....we've only done it a million times. But it's heartwrenching not to be there for her! So why not cancel & reschedule? Well, there's a thought.....but why would I do that? For my own selfish reasons of wanting to be there for her when I know she'll be just fine with daddy (and papa is going too)? The fact that the doctor specially worked her in so that she could recover from this hand in time to get the other hand done in time to not ruin her whole summer before she starts KINDERGARTEN? The timing is all based on what's best for her.....so she can rehab and be ready for school. So I'll sit here and work on kicking my guilt of not being with her and hope she knows how badly I wish I could be in two places at once. I love my tough little girl.....I know she'll do great! Mamma on the other hand......we'll see.
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I wish we could clone you too. Take a look at it from my point of view as well.
Wed afternoon, I'm thinking that Thursday we will load Haley in the van and both of us head off to STL leaving the boys with your mom....Then you call me Thursday and tell me what happened, and come home to watch the kids so you can take Mason to the ER. At this point I'm thinking Ok, I'll stay at home with the boys (even though one is sick) and we'll be ok....mom can take my place and go with you and Haley to STL.
At 6PM you inform me the impossible happened and they are admitting him.....WHAT? Now I have to unpack you, pack my stuff, drop Collin off, pick Dad up, take you your stuff cause you'll be staying with Mason......darn...still have laundry in both washer and dryer....foods on the stove for the kids...........Oh that 240 mile drive not looking fun.......and then Haley gets admitted......and then it starts snowing.........
You know what? I love ya hun.......You are a wonderful mother, considering wife, a little too hard on yourself sometimes, but just all together a good person....The kids are lucky to have you, and so am I!
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